1. I hadn’t truly met my ex until we separated. His mask finally came all the way off and the lies, obfuscation, and excuses ended because he didn’t care if I knew that the truth was he’d been manipulating me all along.
2. The person you married is not the same person you divorce.”
3. “The divorce was still really hard to deal with, but I wasn’t the complete mess I thought I’d be. No longer having expectations for each other allowed us to relax and let go so that we could be happy on our own terms, apart, rather than the tug-of-war it had become when we were still together. I don’t miss him. That’s what’s weird for me. We had great times when things were good, but I look back at them fondly instead of wishing we could still have that. I guess that means I’ve moved on, but I thought I’d pine a heck of a lot more than I ever have. I always have liked being on my own, though. I remember being dismayed by the thought that everything was going to change when we started dating because I had finally gotten to a place where I was happy as I was.”
Many married couples you were friends with while you were married will avoid you post-divorce because they don’t want a reminder of the problems in their own marriages. Learned that one from my marriage counselor pre-divorce. I didn’t believe her at first, but it turned out to be accurate.
No one knows what they are doing. We’re no better off as adults than children in knowing the correct path to take. People grow apart. People change. That doesn’t make anyone an enemy. And, please keep your children out of it. They deserve love, peace, and calmness through your turmoil. THEY ARE NOT WEAPONS TO HURT YOUR EX. If you weaponize them, you’ll regret it. That’s a promise.”
Living your life aligned to a set of core values. One of mine was, and is, compassion for others. So, even though I could have very easily been angry, bitter, vindictive, etc. toward her for what she did (and I had no shortage of people, including her, telling me I had every right to be), I chose, instead, to forgive her and to be kind to the woman I still loved.”
Finally: “Divorce doesn’t mean you failed or the marriage was a mistake. I’m glad he was my husband, and now I’m glad he’s not my husband. Staying isn’t always winning and leaving isn’t always losing.”
